Where do we go from here?

When I was growing up, boys and girls played together, no matter who or where you came from. None of us bothered if your family was monied or not. All we knew was kalongolongo, kati, blada, rounders and the like.

If you grew up in the same era as yours truly, then you mos def know what I am talking about. There was lots of open space to play in, lots of games to play too and lots of new people - nay, kids to make friends with and always look forward to seeing the next day. I mean, play time was play time and no one really wanted to go home cos we'd stay out until the sun sunk in the sky.

Then some of us were taken to boarding school (like yours truly), others moved abodes, others left the country and well, I don't know about the rest.

Then came puberty and the shyness and we could not see eye to eye. With the protrusion of breasts on my chest (no matter how pin pointed they were, it was embarrassing to see them fighting to have some space on my tees and blouses, much to the salivating, roving eyes of the boys in the hood - not forgetting the most gruesome of all experiences, the period. Need I say more?! And the acne?! Tsk! tsk! tsk!

I can't speak for the boys because I do not know their side of the story.

Fast forward to so many years after high school, we come to meet some of these friends in campus, rekindle some flame that was just an ember while we were growing up - actually, back then, we were so backward when it came to matters sexual - or boy-girl relationships. Some have blossomed to marriages with products of very very beautiful offspring - I am so green with envy right about now.

But the generation x is having it easy. I mean, look at the freedom they have to go to wild slumber parties that are full of alcohol and drugs - did I mention alcohol, drugs and sex?! As if that is not enough, there is a new ingredient added - gayism.

In our day, the only parties we went to were birthday parties. Period.

Alcohol? Drugs? Those belonged to the mafia only. We never saw our dads or mums or aunts or uncles drink - except tea and water and juice and soda (read Tree Top Juice). Now you know I am old school - but I have no apologies to make. I like that I enjoyed some of the best that Kenya had to offer back then before things went awry - thanks to some selfish bastards at the helms!!!!

Anyway, now, for those of us who never got to cross paths with our childhood friends, it is a case of groping in the dark - I mean, creating new relationships with people (or shall I say grown kids from our era), who relocated into the big city where we are. Making new friends never was easy. We start on a sour note before we forget our differences and become friends then lovers.

Ha!

Well, life has been good (to me at least, I don't know about you). I am still alive, have my health in check and ... well I don't know what else to say. I just thank God for the much He has given me to this day. I might not have the money I'd love to have to my name, or a palatial house or a dog or kids, but I sure have a lot more that others only dream of ...

So, where do we go from here?! Just appreciate the sunshine, the air and the beautiful colors and the music in the wind.

Never sit back and look at what you lost - look to the future to what still has to be conquered. Do your best and the rewards shall trickle in and you won't believe how much goodness life has to offer.

Cliches

Morning people.

I had the greatest weekend in a long time. For the first time in so long, I actually asked myself, 'Is it Sunday?' Only for me to get back into real time and realise it is a Monday. Damn! Where does the time go when you are having a good time. That was the greatest weekend ever - thanks to my gal pals and my lollipop.

Anyway, back to the here and now.

This morning while on the matatu to work, there was the usual discussion on radio - family, sex, money ...

This man calls and says, in all the 18 years he was married to his wife, they only had sex 20 times.

Yes!

And as if that is not enough, they had dated for 3 years and not on any single occasion did they get intimate,until they were married.

Do you know I laughed. Yes! I laughed. Because, the man had to divorce the woman cos he was not being 'entertained'.

Another man called and said he dated his wife for a year and a half without sex and upon marriage, there was no change because, he wasn't getting the cookie.

Lolest!

You know, just because a woman holds onto dear little cookie - don't mean that when the man deflowers you on the wedding night, marriage life will be bliss cos he'll 'respect' you for keeping your legs crossed. No disrespect to any man or woman here,but you and I know that most men have been around the block and know what they want and what satisfies them - it's not just a woman's culinary skills, nah ah!

They lied to you when they told you that 'the only way' to a man's heart is through his stomach. That phrase is so 15th Century. And on top of that, the sooner we the females accept that men are natural hunters, the better life on this earth will be for us.

I'd have said some more, but let me keep it short and let you ponder more upon this little subject.

So, to the ladies out there - please, get a life! Cinderella happened only once, in a fiction story from the English society (NOTE - English society).

People are actually galled by the talk on that particular stationt his morning. I mean, if you know matatu operators tune in to that station every single morning, then please, ride on a bicycle or a tuk tuk or better still, walk to town//work.

It's so human nature to always complain when we are being told the truth about ourselves. I agree that people talk about sex very loosely nowadays, but isn't it good that people are actually talking about sex - instead of pretending that it does not happen and ... I don't know. For heaven's sake, why do people like pretending?

And to the men, if you keep deflowering, don't expect to marry a virgin.

Dodgy, Phony, Pseudo Vows

This morning, I was still wondering what happened to my date last evening. Did, he forget? Did he have second thoughts? Should I have gone to knock at his door with the bottle of wine and say, 'I'm home, let's do dinner already?

I wondered to myself the whole time I was seated at the reception of this wonderful college I so want to join sooner than later, since I can't stomach my job any more.

I was interrupted by the security guy at the front desk ...

'Mbona watu hufanya harusi baada ya kuzaa watoto, na baada ya kuishi pamoja kwa miaka mingi? Haja gani nichukue msichana kutoka kwao kisha nimuweke kwangu kama bibi kabla sijajulishi wazee na jamii?

Now, where the heaven did that come from? So, he goes on to say that a picture he just saw in one of the dailies that he was perusing through made him think that. Well, according to my observation, a man can string a woman along for as long as is necessary for him. Don't get it twisted, don't misunderstand me (ok, even ladies string men along), but men are worse stringers. The moment you announce that you are heavy with child, that is the beginning of the end of the relationship. Next, he starts coming home late, drunk, answers back at you, calls you all the unprintable names ... the list is endless!

To be honest, I didn't know what to say to him. Human nature is very weird and very complicated. But such is life. I know of a number of people who stay together without any formal obligation. True, when a misfortune occurs, say death of one of the partners, an accident that incapacitates either or both ... who wil take care of the ensuing responsibilities? I wonder so too!

If I cannot afford to have a lavish wedding, complete with the stretch limos (which go for 10K per hour), 3 bus loads of relatives (known and imaginary) from the village beyond the last river, All Saint's Cathedral plus the Vicar, a photo shoot at the Windsor and a reception party at the Grand, sorry, it's now Laicos ... why bother?!

People have been known to apply for loans just to please a whole village in a matter of hours, then spend the rest of the next 10 or so years paying dearly (thanks to recession, banks peg their interest rates at 20% of the initial amount).

Then the white dress ... sorry white gown phenomenon. THa thing really beats me. Why would anyone in their right minds, put on a pure white gown yet they have been knockingboots with this guy for the 10 years they have been engaged, with 3 babies in tow?!

My simple answer to this person was, the thing is, most men don't want to marry a woman unless she can prove her fertility, and how does she do that?! She has to fall pregnant and give birth to a living young one, complete with ten toes, ten fingers, eyes, a nose and a pair of ears. Without that, that man you have been cohabiting with for the last 10 years will walk out on you like they never knew or saw you before. Such is life! Such are the laws of nature!

When you give it up - you are called lose, generous ... whatever derogatory term they see fit.
When you hold onto it like your dear life depended on it (come to think of it, your life does depend on it anyway) ... still you get those derogatory terms thrown at you.

At the end of the day, it's a man's world. I am not saying this summarily, but clearly, someone has tilted the weights to suit themselves.

And so the quest continues, why do people stay engaged for 20 years, then decide to get married and stay together for two years, then split up?

Such is life, such are the lawsof nature!!!!

Don't be too direct

True, we live in a free world, where you ask for what you want without batting an eyelid.

Being direct can sometimes be termed as rude and disrespectful, but to me, I think it's the best way to deal with some issues and situations - note: some.

Matters of the heart have many a times left so many of us at our wits end. I have been through some really embarrassing moments with men, sometimes I wonder how I manage to still walk with my head held up high. A gal pal of mine recently share with me some mail she had received from this brother - an ex to be precise.

This guy, wanted to bewith her so much - call it desperate to be with her so much. He could not believe that someone else was getting next to her and blah! blah! blah! So, he kept calling, sending text messages and even gone as far as asking her if she is horny and needs for him to come to her and help her out! My sentments exactly.

All along, I thought it is us chics who are termed as desperate (very derogatory term) - needing a man to come satisfyour sexual urge - and trying until he gives in (half-heartedly) and thinking that we nailed him at lasat. Thing is, men do it to get us off their ba,cks. Period!

Don;t believe me, ask around. They'll tell you exactly how they do it.

Shhhhhhh!!!! Please

I am not one to make conversation easily on public transport. I have had a long boring day, and I need my peace and quiet ... Please people - and especially men out looking for an easy lay or is it conversation! I don't know.

Now, today, I was well out of the house by exactly 7.30 - on most days, I dilly dally watching news items on telly blah! blah! blah!

I got tot he bus stop and a matatu came and I duly boarded it and took my position next to the window - this man who was seated there avoided sitting at the window for reasons best known to himself. As we embark on the journey to town, he starts by asking me to fasten my seatbelt cos apparently, the cops are at it again. I do it reluctantly.

As we ride on, we get to Eastleigh and the jam is at chocker block. I wasn't bothered - reason being, I knew I would be int he offic ebefore 9. This man, was really incessant. Next he's to go like, 'These guys have made somethng small into something big. Since no one wants to let the other pass, there is heavy traffic ... yada! yada! yada!' In my mind, I'm l ike, what the fucking hell ... who asked for your opinion ... It's because I was having a moment with myself. Actually, my ears were propped to another guy on the matatu who was twanging and relaly on floss mode about his job and his duties at the office.

When we got to town, we were dropped off at the bus station. This man goes like, 'They tell us they'rew going to the CBD and they drop us here ...' And I'm like, it seems the brother failked to get some this morning so he's taking it out on me.

Blah!!!!

Please mind your own biz people. We're here on a similar mission but to different destinations. I have had my share at the office and I need those 45 minutes or so on the matatu to recollect my thoughts and prepare myself for a quiet evening.

If those are peoples' pick-up lines, I guess we need a school to teach guys how to do it. WTFH!!!!

Bliss!!!!

You know, some odd years ago, if you told me to go ont he rave by myself, I'd have given you the look and the finger. But today, things are different. I have embraced solitude and can comfortably say that I can roll the streets without feeling like a lunatic or aloser.

Today, my status update reads thus, 'I am not afraid of my own company'.

A couple of months ago, just after I had acquired my magic box, I was busy enjoying a movie that got me glued to the box. There was an interesting scene that came on and I turned to ask, 'Oh, that is so lovely', only to realise that I was all by myself in my little Queendom. I felt sad, but,that's life my people.

This past weekend, I was out on the rave. I had gone for my second in a series of photo shoots. I had left Alliance in a huff, after watching Sauti Soul and a host of other Afro Fusion musicians perform their music. To be honest, everyone was just waiting for Sauti Soul to perform, and these guys literally brought the house down. Oh, I had met Della a week before, as I was headed to KWANI Open Mic. She's a nice lady, a good performer - on stage.

After the concert, I had to rush home, take a shower and run back to town to get a cab to Carnivore where the big photo shoot wa to be held. Thanks to the thousand functions around town, including the MAMAz pre party, the crowd was thin. Not that I'm complaining ...

Amongst the beautiful and handsome faces, there was this particular guy that caught my attention. The brother was fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnneeee!!! Only to learn that he be gay. DAMN! But me being the me I know myself to be, I called him and he came over. I asked his name and requested if I could hug him and he accepted. I felt on top of the world my friends. There is one thing I vowed to myself, if I see a handsome man ... I will try everything to make sure that I meet and get to talk to him and ... yeah! And believe me, I have been successful on two previous occasions. Charlie and Stephen. At the moment, I am working on another project - I'm falling for my neighbour - he's a guy in uniform, can you blame me? Really??!!

To my lollipop, I so need a refresher course - seriously.

Lying Bitch Niggaz

Now, forgive my not so good title for this post, but that is what I feel for some sorry ass niggas (did I say niggas again? my bad).

Forgive my lan,guage, but blame it on watching too much of Pimp Chronicles by Katt Williams. I got me a dvd - The American Hustle - and I laughed myself to tears. I'm sure myneighbours must have thought that I lost it, cos for one, I stay alone - so do two of my neighbours ...

Now, back to my beef with bitch niggas (borrowed from Katt). This goes out to my brothers. I got nothing but love for you guys, but there are times when you really put your foot in your mouth and when you talk, it's all muffled up and you think you're making an impression - only, you are making a fool of yourself.

Gone are the days when you would lie to little mama - why is that?

Scenario 1: Little Mama sends you a text message requesting for your presence at her presentation - for moral support. I thought you'd feel privileged to be invited for these rare ocassions. But no! Just cos Little mama says, that it's not a booty call, you decide to come up with all manner of excuses, yet when you give her a booty call, you expect her to come running to daddy.

Scenario 2: Little mama calls you to come comfort her after her big dawg dumps her round little butt for another brother - yes, her big dawg dumps her little round ass for another brother (it'shappening, don't give me that look - please nah ah!). Instead of outrightly laying her down gently, you go ahead to give her tales of how you are arranging to receive your folks who are dropping in at your place fromthe village cos your daddy needs to go for his insulin shots (no pun intended here) ... Brother! Puhleeeze!!!!

The woman can see right through your skull that you are pulling a fast one on her. If you cannot go help cover her ass when she's making that presentation, then puhleeezee, just say you have plans already instead of saying, let me get back to you in the next 36 hours. For pete's sake, Little mama put it clearly that it aint no booty call - why can't you give her the enefit of the doubt and just play along with the request!!!! Is it really that difficult to bend backwards, just for once????!!!!

Since when did one's niece come to her uncle's with her boyfriend to spend the weekend?! I mean, she's 20 her boyfie is the same age and the uncle is like 35!!!!! Puhleeze bitch niggas - get a better lie. No matre woman can fall for such a line. If you do not want to entertain little mama, tell her straight up. We're not high school kids - neither are we at a dress rehearsal for La Muher ... we're mature people here. Call a spade a spade - not a big spoon.

Clearly, some men hav eno balls or hair ontheir chest to bite the bullet. Tsk! tsk! tsk! So sad my friends.

If you fall inthis category, I'm sorry, but we;re not inhigh school and such performances don;t earn you marks. And so I see ... Umma burn your bridges!!!!